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[jackshoegazer]

I just found out through Facebook that my son has his first girlfriend.

Comments

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Ethan's only 13 and I'm a bit overprotective (mostly because my parents were non-protective and I got myself into some situations that were really unsafe.) so I make sure I have access just in case of cyber-bullying and creepy pedophiles and all that. I don't go snooping at all - I respect his privacy, it's a just-in-case thing.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Hopefully I'll know because he's asked me to get him condoms. We've had several talks about such things and I hope it's worked. My family *never* discussed this sort of thing and *ta-dah* I was an 18-year old dad.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Of course, your parents didn't grow up with the internet and weren't savvy. Now, imagine your own children trying to get away with the online shenanigans you got away with. Yeah, exactly. Internet savvy parents are a pain!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I dunno, it's weird. The whole growing up thing is strange and I am constantly having to reevaluate and adjust my relationship to him as he goes through these changes and becomes basically different people.

In these last few days though since he got his gf, he seems to have made a quantum leap into the i'm-serious-all-the-time, almost emoish, angsty behavior. Maybe he's just having a moody week, but it's seriously annoying :P Which means if it continues when he gets back from his mums this weekend, I'm going to have to sit down and have a talk with him about his behavior :(

[explodingalice.livejournal.com]

Oy, one of those. Those suck, but they have to happen. We haven't hit emo land yet, and I hope we never do with little mr. sunshine, but you never know.

I wonder if it is harder for you as his dad than it is for me as a mom, since the kinds of relationships are different?

Teenagers are interesting, that's for sure. It's like watching a science experiment unfold before your eyes.

[explodingalice.livejournal.com]

Yeah, me, too. We're having those conversations now and have already told him we'll be buying the condoms to make sure they're in date and on hand.

It's a tough line to follow sometimes, since we don't have "moral" issues with sex before marriage. Sometimes I think it'd be easier if we believed that and could just force that trip on him. :P

[dakinigrl.livejournal.com]

aha... well good on you for being ahead of the curve. I came from a hippie family where everything was discussed and we were all exposed to way too much too soon, so my agenda as a parent has had a different flavor to it. Also, having a girl gives you a different spin as well. 14 was just too young for her to be giving it up to some 17 year old boy. condoms or not.

who knew parenting was going to be so complicated?

[dakinigrl.livejournal.com]

how about telling him that sex complicates and intensifies everything and it's better to wait until you are an adult to add that to relationships and life in general? how about telling him that sex is a sacred act that is better when it's between you and someone who you have had a long time to get to know in other ways?

there are definitely reasons to wait, probably if you search your heart you will come up with the ones that really make sense to you, with religion having nothing to do with it. there's a reason you are uncomfortable with the idea of him having sex too early. you can frame the discussion any way that rings true.

it's been my experience (my daughter is almost 17) that if you stick to your gut feeling and set boundaries accordingly that it's remarkable successful. Teens want boundaries set for them. They will rail against them, but in the end they will relax and know they are safe. That's how it's been with my daughter, and she's a pistol.

[explodingalice.livejournal.com]

Well, we have talked about the multitude of emotional and physical complications that can come from having sex when you're too young. He has been very receptive to that, but of course he's not yet of the age where he's even considering it, so there's no reason for him to push those boundaries.

And, I was really being a smartass when I said I wished we could use religion as a way to say no sex before marriage. We've been able to come up with valid reasons to explain to him why he might want to take things slowly. Though I must admit that I don't particularly buy the "sex is sacred" bit.