jackshoegazer: (777 Pyramid Eye Sun)
I am a horrible person.

I am an intellectual spider. I will trap you in my web and you can never argue your way out.

Even if you're right.

Because the truth is:

I am not a smart man. I am clever and quick, but I am not smart.

Generally, it takes a while for me to process new information, to incorporate it into my cosmology. Occasionally, and usually only with grand revelations, is this process instantaneous. Mostly, I have to let it sink in, turn it over, ponder it, play with it, like a newly planted tree, allow it to root and grow.

But I can't lose face, I can't ever be wrong.

So I use my almighty powers of argument, my lightning cleverness to refute your points, like temporary road blocks, momentary doors to hide behind. I leave you trying to climb up and around, to somehow get around these traps to give my people, a.k.a. my intellectual processes time to digest.

While it may be frustrating and seem that I am not open or accepting to what you are saying, it is actually the opposite. I am just too embarrassed at my idiocy to allow you to see it. Astrology would describe it as Saturn acting in my natal third house, instilling me with a fear of appearing unintelligent. It's not an excuse, just a description.

What I must remember is that it is like emotional vulnerability. People don't really want stoic people who are never perturbed and hide their emotions behind closed doors. No one likes a perfectionist. To be accepted, to be liked, to be truly human is to show vulnerability, to admit flaws and fractures within ourselves.

And such I must learn to do in this aspect of my life.

I offer my apologies, especially to John and Jacquelyn who have suffered the most from this.

Though I say, no one likes a perfectionist, I still aim to be perfect. Learning and adapting to these lessons about myself and how they affect my life and the people in it is a major part of this path.

Let the light shine in.

Ok, so maybe I'm not horrible, but I'm not perfect and I have a lot to work on.

And it never stops.
jackshoegazer: (Default)
While talking with a friend from Minneapolis, whose Saturn returns in September, I realised that my Saturn is coming back in just under a year. This means that I need to use this year very wisely to get things in order, because this year, things will begin to crystalise and focus. I'd rather have this be a year of structuring and progression than a year of death and destruction.

Is it wrong that I was born in and have always lived in America, yet I have an innate tendency to spell words with the British 's' instead of a 'z'? I don't mean to exclude 'z'; I feel it's a deprived letter and should be used more. Why do I do this?!
jackshoegazer: (Illuminati Astrology Eye)
:: WARNING ::

Mercury goes Retrograde from July 23rd through August 15th.

Mercury rules communication, but more informal communications, like writing, speaking, short shopping sprees and other errand-ing endeavors. So, while Mercury is Retrograde, don't give that party, be extra aware of what you say and what you interpret when chatting with or writing to friends, cut back on errands, expect that the check will be in the mail longer than usual. Since the car is usually used for shopping and errands, don't be surprised if the battery wire loosens or the fan belt snaps just when you have rush out for that one ingredient you forgot to buy.

The good things to do when Mercury is Retrograde: meditate, contemplate, edit the book/poem/song/essay you've been writing, clean house, talk to your pet, listen to music, paint, catch up on sleep.




Consider yourselves WARNED.

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jackshoegazer

February 2012

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