Sometimes we do just grow up all at once.

[jackshoegazer]

My living room contains three thirteen-year old boys who have spent the night eating pizza and junk food, watching zombie movies and playing video games.  Funny, not much has changed since I was thirteen.  Well, the video games look a helluva lot cooler.  Earlier in the day, we took the boys to the pool, ate cake and opened presents.  It's been a fun time.  I think, however, that I will go to bed soon.

I leave for Salt Lake the day after tomorrow.  When I was diagnosed with this heart problem back in 2001, I was overly confident and dismissive - it was nothing, I would be fine, et cetera.  Now, I believe I have a healthy respect for the seriousness of my problem and for its solution and thus, I am good and properly worried.  I do think I'll be fine, but I've lost the patina of invincibility that shines so brightly on our youth.  Again, this is healthy, this is mature.

I never mentioned it in my journal, but a while back, kiwikat and I had a bit of a falling out and now we've patched up our friendship, which is very nice.  It's very good to have my friend back.  In view of this, and perhaps illuminated by my upcoming surgery, I keep thinking maybe I should drop an email or whatnot to other people in my past, whether they deserve it or not.  Just to apologize for the wrong-doings on my end.  Clear my plate, pay my half of the tab.  If they choose to run out on their half, it's not my problem - I've dealt with my responsibility.  I'm getting too old to dine-and-dash.  Metaphorically.   And literally I suppose as well. 

Comments

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

You know, I wasn't really thinking about the surgery until the past few days and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't kinda 0_o about the whole thing. I read an article with photos, which freaked me out properly. When is the actual surgery date?

I mentioned to Jacqui earlier I'm going to try to get a cd together so you can have new stuff on your ipod for the ride out (if you want. I don't wanna force music on the unwilling).

Making my amends was one of those things I knew I needed to do and put off for way too long. Now I'm kicking myself for waiting so long, but eh. you're not ready until you're ready.

As for contacting old friends, I've since contacted two people who I stopped being friends with and apologized for the occassions on which I've been a dick. It's very freeing. Even if they never forgive me, I at least fulfilled my end of the be-a-good-person obligations.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I posted several articles in my posts about it, plus one with video, which I haven't been able to watch yet :P

That's the good thing - when you put the ball in their court, they get to decide what to do next. It's no longer your responsibility.

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

I can never watch that kind of thing, I'd be such a shitty surgeon.