The possibility of the miracle is here with us.

[jackshoegazer]

Some wise person somewhere made the connection between an ordered outer life and an ordered inner life.  Obviously this has some exceptions, like the absent-minded scientist who has the structure of the universe carefully balanced like a house of cards in his noggin, but can't be bothered to brush his teeth or comb his hair.  However, for the majority of us, having a clean and orderly living space (whether internal or external) is a nice feeling and infinitely relieves stress.

That's a long way to say I spent the day cleaning the house, watering the plants, lint-rolling the couch, vacuuming the carpets, and I should start the dishes but the latte I had at lunch is wearing off and my momentum is slowing.  Actually, I believe it has come to a sagging halt just inches from the finish line, like an aging racehorse having run his last race.  Perhaps I am no Seabiscuit with a Toby Maguire to coach me back to the race.  Perhaps I should be put out to pasture.

Or not.

Due to a scheduling snafu and a missing voicemail, I was locked out of the house for two hours on Friday, In the rain.  The saving grace was a nice impromptu dinner with brdgt and strangedasein at The Great Dane.

On Saturday, Jacquelyn's keys were locked in her office so we had to break into the house.  Saturday's saving grace was a wonderful night of cuddling on the new sectional watching Six Feet Under.

Sunday was pretty decent actually.  Jacqui and I saw 300 with brdgt, strangedasein, and sufferingbrian.  It was decent.  A few flaws, some cheesy dialog, excellent style and special effects.  Oh, and Karl from Love Actually as the nine-foot tall Persian man-god Xerxes.  I gave it a B.

Today I had the day off so I spent the morning lounging and catching up on LJ and finishing some posters for the Corned Beef & Cabbage rave.  Jacquelyn needed her workout clothes, so I took a bus downtown and met her for lunch.  It was beautiful outside and apparently I looked hungover with my dark shades and black corduroy jacket.  It was nice to hide behind the sunglasses, with my iPod in my ears.  Is it ultimately narcissistic to be surrounded by the throngs of college students and parents and business people and other denizens of downtown, and just cut them off, play the soundtrack of your life, creating a reality of your own, regardless of what's going on around you?

It felt like that.  As soon as the headphones covered my ears, the hustle and bustle fell away and I felt like I was in the montage scene of some indie movie - man sitting on a bench on a crowded street, staring into the distance, waiting for a bus that will take him somewhere, anywhere, as long as it is away.

That's kind of shite, since I was just waiting for the bus to take me home after a quick stop at the library and the grocery store.  I listened to Digital Underground's The Humpty Dance, some Of Montreal, and a few tracks of Bright Eye's new album, Cassadaga while reading P.D. James' The Children of Men.  But it could have meant more, been more, in a nameless nothingness, a hipster ennui, but it wasn't, at least not today.

I read once that the urge to run, to get away, to keep moving, the Lone Ranger, the ever-moving hero, is the stuff of adolescence, usually written by authors before they begin to settle down, or as a final lashing out of youth as the midlife crisis sets in.  These are less about self-discovery than about running, refusing to break, to settle.  The tales of tragedy and loss and redemption come later when we realize our youthful folly.  And we cannot be warned, we must willingly step off the cliff, like the Fool in the tarot, no matter what dog is yipping at our heels.

Comments

[schmecky.livejournal.com]

Oh, and Karl from Love Actually as the nine-foot tall Persian man-god Xerxes.

I wondered if that was him!

Is it ultimately narcissistic to be surrounded by the throngs of college students and parents and business people and other denizens of downtown, and just cut them off, play the soundtrack of your life, creating a reality of your own, regardless of what's going on around you?

I don't think so :)

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I didn't recognize him at all! We imdb'd 300 when we got home and were all HUHWHAT?!KARL?!?

(Sweet, I don't think so either. See my reply to anubis75's comment in this post about living in LA and a Six Feet Under quote.)

[skullptures.livejournal.com]

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

It was definitely a theatre movie. The big screen-big-sound-popcorn aspect was the big-fun.

I love my media list, though I don't list re-watches of favorite old movies. I have a terrible memory for remembering when I've seen/done things.

I declared my raver retirement back in 2004, even though I hadn't been to a good rave in two years. I'd been to some events that friends of mine still throw, but for me the magic is gone. I still love to do flyers for my promoter friends who I stay in touch with. (I started raving in January of 1997, so god, 10 years ago now. Holy fuckmuffins.)

[skullptures.livejournal.com]

Sweet, I'm finally seeing it in a couple hours :D
10 years? Holy shit, I just started in December 2005, so I still have a looong way to go before I retire from the scene heh.

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

see, to me i feel like my ipod just sort of accentuates the way i feel anyway. so much of the time it seems like we just bounce off of people, i don't know anyone and no one knows me. so i just sort of drift around by myself and send letters about all the weird worlds i'm seeing by myself.

i don't know that most people do that to the degree that i do, at times i am very detatched. i like how my ipod makes it a little more literal, so other people are aware of it. it's good for days when i want to be left alone.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

My iPod is funny because my mood changes depending on what's playing, so if I'm in a bad mood, it will play poppy songs and when I'm happy, it will play melancholy ballads. I just imagine that I'm in a movie and that's the soundtrack, and thus it sets the tone for how I should feel.

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

completely ditto, although i did make myself a special playlist for when i'm down/whiny/feeling like shit. i call it my "cheer the fuck up already" playlist and it's full of stuff that will make me smile just a little and break me out of a funk. i reccomend it, that shit works.

[anubis75.livejournal.com]

Is it ultimately narcissistic to be surrounded by the throngs of college students and parents and business people and other denizens of downtown, and just cut them off, play the soundtrack of your life, creating a reality of your own, regardless of what's going on around you?

I find that doing just that helps me cope with living in LA.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

The day you posted this comment, I watched an episode of Six Feet Under (which is set in LA) and the mother talked about how plants, if they are planted too close to other plants, don't grow right, and never blossom, never fully grow up, never individuate, and I think that's poignant to your comment, because something like the iPod bit, something that separates you from everyone, is like creating a virtual growing place, so that you can blossom, even though you're "planted too close together" in LA.

[brdgt.livejournal.com]

I just requested the audio version of Children of men - we'll have to have a little book club :)

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I'm only a couple chapters in, but I really like it already and it's quite different from the movie.

[panther-nesmith.livejournal.com]

That last paragraph hit home. Now that I think about what I want, I really do fit the description of the Fool.

But, in the end, perhaps that's not a bad thing, so long as I someday grow up. Hopefully before the Tower crashes down around me.

And yes, a clean home is a rare and beautiful thing, to be cherished.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I think we all fit it at different times, especially when we're starting out on new paths, new adventures. It's all a cycle, the same with everything. Infinite permutations on a single theme.

[panther-nesmith.livejournal.com]

Yes. Like LoTR fanart.

Only with better line art. *grin*