When the fear is gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

[jackshoegazer]

Lately, I've been terrified of writing.

Not necessarily in this journal, but I mean big writing projects. Novels, short stories, et cetera that I've got floating around in my head. I've got so many ideas; I don't even know how to pick which one to start with. They're all ambitious projects and probably above my talents to birth anyway. (In a way, I'm a typical man; I have no problem with the conception, that's the easy part. It's the giving birth part that intimidates me.)

This fear assails me in particular when I'm reading a writer who is much better than I think I am, and lately, I've been reading some really great writers who have spooked me into some dark corner of literary oblivion.

Take that and mix it evenly with the anxious anticipations that one gets when one is about to dive into some great unknown; the hesitation before skydiving (How do you feel about jumping out of a perfectly good airplane?), social nervousness before a party, the first day at a new job, the damned interview for that matter. The reluctance to leap into the cold, cold lake.

Writing for me is like that. It is not some skill that I've learned and writing just flows out of some creative faucet, some verbose light switch I can just flick on. Writing is like a dialogue for me, between me and my unconscious, the collective and my battered and bruised ego that would like to assert his bastard opinions everywhere, but overly criticizes everything. (Mostly, the rest of the crew get together to bind and gag him until the session is over.)

Once I'm in, it's great. With few problems, I can write and write and write, but lately I've been fearing that initial hurdle. I'm struggling with how to say something deep and profound without losing my humor, to write a hilarious book without being to shallow, to write what I know without knowing anything.

I'm going to make time this week to write and just jump in. I'm sure I'll get used to the cold and soon I'll feel warm and accomplished.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear... And when it is gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. When the fear is gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

~Frank Herbert

Comments

it's way too soon for emotional caretaking of your audience

[bythebootstraps.livejournal.com]

'm struggling with how to say something deep and profound without losing my humor, to write a hilarious book without being to shallow, to write what I know without knowing anything.


cut that shit out right now and sit the fuck down and write something.

Re: it's way too soon for emotional caretaking of your audience

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

Word!

Re: it's way too soon for emotional caretaking of your audience

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Exactly. That's one of the examples of "my battered and bruised ego that would like to assert his bastard opinions everywhere, but overly criticizes everything."

He gets in there and overthinks everything, worries too much and I have to keep reminding him that he should stick to math and giving directions :P

I'll take your advice though. Thanks :)

(And if you could perhaps elaborate on what you man by "emotional caretaking of your audience"?

Re: it's way too soon for emotional caretaking of your audience

[bythebootstraps.livejournal.com]

why would you care about something being deep, profound, and hilarious unless you are thinking about how it will be received by others?

;-)

Re: it's way too soon for emotional caretaking of your audience

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

Very true!

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

I can't remember who it was, but a famous author used to start everything he'd write with "Dear Mom," as a way to break the ice of that first sentence. I know a lot of authors that start with nonsense, just to trick themselves into the flow.

You can do it. The more you do it, the easier it gets. The trick is just to start.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I've got old writings I did with a paragraph or so of nonsense in front of it :P

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

That's one of the reasons I feel like you should be writing seriously in livejournal every day; bring it back to being an honest writing attempt. You can even solicit daily prompts from people! Even if you're not getting the feedback you want, you should keep at it.

[kitralysis.livejournal.com]

wow, i LOVE that quote.

have you read Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet? if not you most definitely should. it's an easy read, but there is SO much wisdom about writing and life in general. but the first few parts - nothing's motivated me to write like that in a long time.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I'll have to check that out. Oddly, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintainence broke my writer's block years ago. Maybe I should give it another shot :P

[ex-lovecraf.livejournal.com]

(In a way, I'm a typical man; I have no problem with the conception, that's the easy part. It's the giving birth part that intimidates me.)

lol. I know that feeling. I have more than a few epics in me that seem to go into hiding when confronted with the prospect of making the leap from mind to page.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

That's my problem as well. They're so perfect, unrealized in my head, and it seems a Sisyphysian effort to get them out :P

[strangedasein.livejournal.com]

Writing is like a dialogue for me, between me and my unconscious

It sounds like you're over thinking it. I too want to write the profound big idea stories, and usually I have one kernel of the story and I want to work in things that I don't know how to work in and this sets up the block of which you speak.

However, once I get going and let my unconscious take control (not that I believe in the unconscious but that's what I'll call it for ease of translation!) it seems to incorporate the ideas that I want in there on its own. Plus that's what editing is for! I write it out, then later I go back in and see where I can elaborate on the ideas or where I can insert them. I know this might not be your writing style, but it's how I get over my unknowing.

I can't plan ahead as in an outline where I know when I'm going to hit certain ideas. I plan ahead as in an idea and somehow it just works its way in!

I guess writing as creation means actually creating. Start.

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

this whole struggle, the tension between the perfect idea and our imperfect ability to execute it? and how that can intimidate us into stopping?

this is EXACTLY the very reason why i gave you "art&fear" to read-it helped me come to terms with the feelings of "god my art sucks" and get over them enough to sit down and do ar anyway.

of COURSE writing is scary. it's scary just like painting is scary- every time you make a sentence or a line you are eliminating possibilities. you are plucking out of the universe the only bits that will be there for people to see. what if you choose poorly?

the way i see it, everyone has to put out a lot of crap in order to get some good writing or art or whatever done. screwing up is how we learn. interesting mistakes make art dynamic. the whole reason i started doing a lot of somewhat crappy crayon drawings is so i get practice. by the time i've done a ton of them i can see what works, what doesn't, and my skills will have been honed by practice.

that is why i say you should try to write in your journal every day even if all you can think of is trite or cheap or shitty. you'll get practice, you'll learn how to do it better next time, and you'll have a record for your biography when you're famous.

[cygnus.livejournal.com]

If you haven't read Ralph Keyes' "The Courage to Write", I highly, highly recommend it.

[weishaupt.livejournal.com]

Which reminds me, I need to finish reading Psyche.

The Sam Gamgee hallucinations have me cracking up :p

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you do that! I am fiending to hear your thoughts after you've finished it, or as you go, either one :)

[avalons-tear.livejournal.com]

The answer lies in the other mantra of that series.


"It is by Will and Will Alone I set My Mind in Motion."

Also

[avalons-tear.livejournal.com]

Richard Russo's book "Straight Man"

It's a book I recently read and even though I have never actually met you...it reminded me of a world you might be apart of.

Re: Also

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I'll have to check it out! Just looked it up on Amazon, it looks great!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

It all comes down to Will in so many ways.