When the fear is gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Lately, I've been terrified of writing.

Not necessarily in this journal, but I mean big writing projects. Novels, short stories, et cetera that I've got floating around in my head. I've got so many ideas; I don't even know how to pick which one to start with. They're all ambitious projects and probably above my talents to birth anyway. (In a way, I'm a typical man; I have no problem with the conception, that's the easy part. It's the giving birth part that intimidates me.)

This fear assails me in particular when I'm reading a writer who is much better than I think I am, and lately, I've been reading some really great writers who have spooked me into some dark corner of literary oblivion.

Take that and mix it evenly with the anxious anticipations that one gets when one is about to dive into some great unknown; the hesitation before skydiving (How do you feel about jumping out of a perfectly good airplane?), social nervousness before a party, the first day at a new job, the damned interview for that matter. The reluctance to leap into the cold, cold lake.

Writing for me is like that. It is not some skill that I've learned and writing just flows out of some creative faucet, some verbose light switch I can just flick on. Writing is like a dialogue for me, between me and my unconscious, the collective and my battered and bruised ego that would like to assert his bastard opinions everywhere, but overly criticizes everything. (Mostly, the rest of the crew get together to bind and gag him until the session is over.)

Once I'm in, it's great. With few problems, I can write and write and write, but lately I've been fearing that initial hurdle. I'm struggling with how to say something deep and profound without losing my humor, to write a hilarious book without being to shallow, to write what I know without knowing anything.

I'm going to make time this week to write and just jump in. I'm sure I'll get used to the cold and soon I'll feel warm and accomplished.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear... And when it is gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. When the fear is gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

~Frank Herbert

I completely prefer mushroom-drugs over mushroom-clouds.

Mushroom Drug Produces Mystical Experience

By MALCOLM RITTER, AP Science Writer

Monday, July 10, 2006

(07-10) 21:32 PDT New York (AP) --

"Viewed by some as a landmark, the study is one of the few rigorous looks in the past 40 years at a hallucinogen's effects...

Psilocybin's effects lasted for up to six hours, Griffiths said. Twenty-two of the 36 volunteers reported having a "complete" mystical experience, compared to four of those getting methylphenidate... 

Two months later, 24 of the participants filled out a questionnaire. Two-thirds called their reaction to psilocybin one of the five top most meaningful experiences of their lives. On another measure, one-third called it the most spiritually significant experience of their lives, with another 40 percent ranking it in the top five.

About 80 percent said that because of the psilocybin experience, they still had a sense of well-being or life satisfaction that was raised either "moderately" or "very much."...

Funded in part by the federal government, the research was published online Tuesday by the journal Psychopharmacology."

( Text of the article... )