Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

[jackshoegazer]

As you may have noticed, I've been a bit absent from the Land of LiveJournal for a few days and I have quite a good enough excuse. What, you ask, could possibly keep me away from LJ?

I've spent the last five days in almost constant company of antarcticlust and we've decided to create a sort of exclusive club, with just ourselves as members. What kind of club is this, you wonder? Well, I'll tell you...

It may sound a bit strange, but it's called a "relationship." Now, I know some of you may be unfamiliar with this term, so I'll try my damnedest to explain.

Remember when you were just wee little children and someone gave you a note that said, "Do you like me? Circle yes or no." And you circled yes and then held hands at recess? Yeah, it's a bit like that but we're all grown-up now and there's a bit more snogging and fancy dinners.

So yes, after all my whining and lamenting over the lack of activity in my love life, and my fear of commitment, et cetera, et cetera, I'm giving a monogamous relationship a go and will see how it develops.

I'm quite fond of her and we get along famously. There's immense amounts of intellectual, emotional and physical chemistry that's hard to argue with. Our past histories and future plans merge into a cohesive whole, like two planets that suddenly find themselves in parallel orbits.

I'm entering into this with as few preconceptions as possible about where this will go or any future plans. At this current moment in space-time, we seem to be almost exactly what the other is ready for. If the Universe is a massive learning tool, we are the teachers we need right now.

This is actually quite difficult for me, and not because of any doubts about my feelings. The difficulty arises from the fact that I've basically been uncommitted and single since January 1st of 2001. Yes, that's over four and a half years of sporadic dating, unrequited crushes, and unresponsive flirting. Nothing even remotely approaching a serious and committed relationship.

In a way, I'd begun to think of "single" and "whole" as synonyms. So the idea of committing feels wrong in a way, because of the fear of again submitting myself to the needs of another. I don't want someone to need me and I don't want to need someone. I just want to be whole and live my life, but with a companion, someone to share this journey with. And right now, Jacquelyn seems to be that person.

In order to prevent emotional static to those who may find this news most distressing, I had originally planned to filter this post. Or whether to post it at all, but alas, I'm either a masochist or a sadist (maybe both) or just lack tact (which I call blunt honesty) so here it is for all to see.

So feel free to comment with your congratulations, lamentations, curses, well-wishing, tears (whether for joy or sadness), exuberance, pity, scorn, criticisms, critiques, love, hate, compliments, endorsement, or eulogy. After all, I was blunt (or tactless) enough to post this, so you can, at least, be as equally blunt in your reactions.

Tootles!

Comments

[anubis75.livejournal.com]

Congrats. It sounds like you are in the beginings of a healthy relationship. When [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] got together, we were both in a place where we were comfortable with being in our own skin, and it sounds like you've taken the time to do that. We've been together for almost 5 years, and married for 3 of those years come this November. Open and honest communication is the mainstay of our relationship, that and when we got married we did it for all the right reasons for us.
Sounds to me like you guys are on the right track. i wish both of you well.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's true, I have spent a lot of time to get where I am and this is really my first attempt at a relationship with the new 'me.' The independant, non-clingly, emotionally balanced, whole me. My biggest fear really is messing it all up, but I'm trying to keep that out of my head and just enjoy this. We're already so comfortable with eachother, it's almost like reuniting with someone than starting anew.

P.S.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

You and LadyS have definitely been an inspiration since I've been reading your journals. I have a child around the same age as Dylan and the way you two seem to balance your lives is, well, inspiring.

Re: P.S.

[anubis75.livejournal.com]

Thanks man! The balancing act isn't allways easy but we do manage to work it all out.

[maeghanne.livejournal.com]

Many, many blessing to you! :)

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Blessings accepted and appreciated. I hope I can be as graceful when you bear similar news :)

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

a hearty congratulations.

we have decided to do our dinner thing with abadman and narcissuskisses on this coming tuesday. it will start around 7 pm, and consist of a traditional french dinner by brian and fresh apple pie by me. you're both invited, i only ask that you let me know if you guys can come or not by tuesday, as we must make preparations and buy groceries and all.

i really hope you guys can come, i gots to meet the chica.

or if she can't come, i GUESS you could come alone. i guess.

: )

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

er, i meant to type let me know by SUNDAY

not tuesday

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Why Tuesday?! :( I go back to work on Tuesday night :(

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

fuck. what time on tuesday?

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

i can probably change it to wednesday if that's better for you

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

if you don't work until ten we would probably have enough time

[enodia.livejournal.com]

Wow! Congrats!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[matt120.livejournal.com]

Dude, I am so happy for you! There's nothing that I've experienced that's better than being in love.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thanks you :) And I have to agree fully. There is nothing better than love (of course there's nothing worse than love either, but that's why I love it so much. It can inspire simultaneously the best and the worst of existence and it's a four letter word :P

[taeli.livejournal.com]

Congrats. It's very cool to be in the same emotional/mental "space" with someone, dating or otherwise. And it definitely lends itself to learning more about yourself and others.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

That's so true. It's been a long time since I've felt this in-sync (not to be confused with N*Sync) with someone and things just clicked this well. Despite initial doubts, I'm glad I was persistent. Thanks!

[violet-meeks.livejournal.com]

Gratz. How fun to be in a new love...Being in the same mental mind helps OH so much!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thank you ever so much dear lady :) It's great and it's been so long I'd forgotten how great it could be.

We like to joke about being on the same page and I'm even more excited we seem to be reading the same page :)

[violet-meeks.livejournal.com]

That's even better! I'm very glad for you.

[particleorwave.livejournal.com]

Dammit, man - NEVER be afraid to sing the song of the heart - just remember - Absolute Love empowers absolutely...but only if you can leave the past there, know that she is NONE of your exes and you are none of hers, and just enjoy each moment as it comes, looking forward, but being here now...you are BOTH making shifts and adjustments, so never forget to keep the lines of communication open, honest, and loving and you'll both be fine...

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Keeping communication going has never been an issue with me. Almost to a fault, I'm open and direct and unflinchingly honest. My problem really has been opening my heart. I closed it off and I've was effectively emotionally unavailable for most of the past four years. A few weeks ago I posted, "Perhaps I'm waiting for someone who can see me through all the layers and shells and shields and is persistent anyway, like my love is a prize for the clever one who can get through my maze." And I think that sort of sums it up and I finally found someone who I feel I can open up to.

[particleorwave.livejournal.com]

There are many different levels of communication, I have found...you are obviously intelligent(from your writings and other artistic expressions), and complex(as every moonchild male that I have ever known is), and you're self awareness and honesty is one of the reasons I was drawn to reading your journal(lurking more than I should, but I do feel, sometimes, that any comments would be more of an intrusion than an addendum to the flow, so I refrain, as a rule). What I meant WAS communication between your heart and hers - because that is the only way love can be spoken. It is not an intellectual exercise - although it can, sometimes, have small slivers of it discussed, the most effective expressions occur in complete privacy and expose our vulnerabilities dangerously and preciously as they are revealed...that is what I was talking about keeping open. I have noticed, in the relationships I've had, that, over time, I came to take for granted that, since the other person knew me so intimately that they would be able to always see into the depths of my heart, beyond any defense measures, and know what I wasn't saying...mind reading and heart reading are two different things, I learned...

The point I was trying to get at is that I am happy for you and antarcticlust!!!It isn't easy to find someone to go through life with when we don't know what we want - even harder, for some perverse reason, to find that person when we DO know what we want...I wish for the two of you not just the wild passions but the everyday love that sustains our souls throughout our days...may you go the distance.

[niamh04.livejournal.com]

I like how PW called you moonchild: reminds me of one of my favorite stories ;) Just a tidbit, back when antarcticlust and I had our discussion, I did discover she has the moon in gemini -- this could work very well for the both of you, and perhaps, like your self-quote above, it took a moon in gemini to do that.

Planets or no, I knew the two of you would become an item hehe! You both appear to be in a similar place in your lifes -- on the relationship/healing level -- and in other ways, very similar to each other. You both write extremely well, beautifully, which says your heart and approach to life comes from a similar place.

This could work -- be ye not afraid. Perhaps this has to do a bit for the progression/transit I showed you, with venus on the ascendant -- it is time. Many blessings to you both =D