I never used to have commitment problems. Never. And I've never cheated ever. Not even close. I know if I found someone that I just *knew* was right, i wouldn't have a problem, but i think it's the fact that my emotions have led me astray so many times, I don't trust them. I've had soul-mate types of loves, relationships that seemed so fated, that it appeared that Destiny was taking a direct hand in arranging things, and then it all fell apart.
So now, I have so many almosts and maybes and could-bes that I can't even for a moment begin to decide. The idea of choosing one of them to the exclusion of the rest just seems wrong somehow. So maybe this means that it's none of them. Perhaps, I'm picking and choosing traits in people and from those traits, I could assemble someone that meets my standards. Who knows, I'm retarded.
I think I may have been able to be with Anna, but then she's got that whole boyfriend, who is practically her husband thing. Amber at work is attractive and intelligent as well, but she's got a boyfriend too. The last few years, if I actually get interested in someone, they either have a boyfriend, live a gazillion miles away, are lesbian (that's anannoying one!) or just not interested.
And it's not like this is something I'm constantly fretting about. I just had a weak moment of lonliness yestrday and needed to vent. Thanks for listening :)
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-08-11 12:16 pm (UTC)So now, I have so many almosts and maybes and could-bes that I can't even for a moment begin to decide. The idea of choosing one of them to the exclusion of the rest just seems wrong somehow. So maybe this means that it's none of them. Perhaps, I'm picking and choosing traits in people and from those traits, I could assemble someone that meets my standards. Who knows, I'm retarded.
I think I may have been able to be with Anna, but then she's got that whole boyfriend, who is practically her husband thing. Amber at work is attractive and intelligent as well, but she's got a boyfriend too. The last few years, if I actually get interested in someone, they either have a boyfriend, live a gazillion miles away, are lesbian (that's anannoying one!) or just not interested.
And it's not like this is something I'm constantly fretting about. I just had a weak moment of lonliness yestrday and needed to vent. Thanks for listening :)