Dad.

[jackshoegazer]

I drove down to my dad's place to have him take a look at our car. We were told that we had a small leak in our head gasket and it should be replaced. Probably an $800-900 repair, probably more. I bought the head gasket and asked my dad, who is like the Stephen Hawking of car repair, if he could fix it. (Seriously, he can point at a part in a car and tell you not only it's function and general repair cost, but why that part does what it does, who designed it, what car it was first used on, how variations on that part causes other parts of the engine to be different, et cetera. Today, he explained why Mustangs looked like shit in the late 70's and 80's and why they look awesome now and apparently it's all the Ford Probe's fault. If my dad was into obscure bands instead of engines, he's be the hippest hipster of all time and all hipsters would die of shame and hang up their impossibly thin t-shirts. Besides, my dad can beat them all in the dorky glasses and weird hair department.) Anyway, he took a look at it and said that's what they call a "weep"; yes, it's technically a leak, but it's so small that it's not causing any problems and most likely won't. He said that, especially since it's a Subaru, we might go ten years before that weep turn into a leak that needs to be repaired. So, I'm supposed to keep an eye on how much antifreeze the car loses and if it increases, then I should worry and schedule a couple days for him to take the car apart (literally, you have to take most of the engine stuff out to get at the part that needs replacing.) Since it loses almost no antifreeze right now, (it was a little low today, like a half inch below the "full" line, and I haven't refilled it in at least 6 months) he said don't worry.

I need to visit my dad more. I can tell he misses me, especially when we only see each other a couple times per year. He's a computer nerd as well, but not a social one, so he's not big on social media. (I've discussed previously my suspicions that he's an Aspie.) He doesn't even write emails more than a couple words long. So if I want to interact with him, it has to be in person.

Two nights after I graduated high school, my step-mother, Vicki, left. She did this every couple years. Without warning, she would vanish. My dad would come home from work to discover that she and all her stuff was gone, the kids were gone, and the bills hadn't been paid in a couple months. She'd take us to battered women's shelters (which she lied to get into - he never hit her) or hotels or friend's houses and we'd stay away until the money ran out and she would go back to him. Once, she told us that she was going to marry Michael J. Fox. I read the letter she said she was going to mail him. They were going to get married and we'd live with him. Michael J. Fox. But her ideas, if you want to call them that, never materialized and we always went back. And my dad, being the martyr that he is, always took her back. Because he believed in "till death do you part" and the rest of the marriage vow. But anyway...

Two nights after I graduated high school, she left again. I didn't even know this time because, I assume, I was almost 18 and she wasn't taking an adult along. I don't really know. Maybe she thought I'd tell my dad. I don't know why - he and I never got along too well throughout my childhood. He was always an ogre, always mad about something, raging. But this night, I came home and discovered my dad in the mostly-empty house alone, and I sat down to talk to him and we had our first real adult conversation. We talked like friends, like family, about real things. And he confided in me that he never really wanted kids, or rather, couldn't wait until they were teenagers, so he'd have someone interesting to talk to. So I felt a little like Indiana Jones, when Sean Connery tells him that Indiana left just when he was starting to get interesting. Now that I'm the grown-up that my dad always wanted, I'm not around to talk to him.

Comments

[lover-of-anime.livejournal.com]

You're a good writer. You have a good sense of description and your own voice. The way you described your Father, I got a very clear intimation of what he is really like, not just some distant caricature. Your dad sounds awesome.

I've always wanted someone who was willing to teach me everything they knew about cars. I find it ridiculous that we drive these vehicles but don't often even know how they work. Always reminds me of the scene in the second matrix movie where the city owner is talking to Neo about how no one understands how these machines work.

He kinda reminds me of Jack's dad. He's a very well-known computer expert. To this day, he still has fun doing his job and gets to go to special events and such. He's more socially adept though I'd say. He has a bit different personality too. But there are resemblances.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

He's tried to teach me car stuff and while I've picked up enough to understand in a very general sense, I couldn't just do my own repairs. I think my dad was always a little sad about that. But I hate getting dirty. Always have.

I think there's definite similarities between people with that particular kind of analytical, engineeringish mind.

[tori-vixen.livejournal.com]

Somehow I hear "Cats in the Cradle" playing in the background. :)

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Haha, oops. Jack, it's Universal Theme on the phone. It says it would like its story back.

[tori-vixen.livejournal.com]

Its still sincere, so roll with it!

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

I can't help but think that if he'd been around more when you were a kid, you'd probably be around more now. Like, if he'd been interested before you were grown you'd have grown closer naturally. This makes me sad because I think you needed more of that as a kid.

But at the same time I'm glad that you've been getting to know each other better the last few years. He sounds at least helpful and interested and reasonably supportive.

On another topic, we doing something this week? I need to know soon as I need to schedule some Dr. stuff and need to know when I'm free. : )

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

It's a possibility, but then, like I've said, my dad isn't very socially adept and doesn't seem to know how to nurture relationships very well. His dad was the no-feeling, everyone-respect-and-fear-me kind of dad, and my dad grew up thinking that's what you were supposed to be like.

I've got stuff on T, W, & F. So that leaves, uh, Thursday or Saturday evening, or Sunday. Whatchoo dooin?

Also, sure, I will take that shirt. I'm not a fan of that kind of shirt, but Ethan is.

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

You guys want to come over on Sunday?? We would make awesome foods!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Sunday for dinner, I assume? That sounds great. Let's hope I don't get a buttload of homework between now and then :D

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

Indeed!

[mysterysquid.livejournal.com]

Ah, families...

[dakini-grl.livejournal.com]

I think it can be startling how age can change a relationship to a parent. I keep thinking about the long car ride you took with your dad as you headed to and from surgery, and what you might have talked about then, and how cars figured in that long journey.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I basically interviewed him, particularly about those years I don't remember well, like birth to five. We also talked about a lot of the really messed up things that happened in the years I do remember that he wasn't very aware of. (My step-mother-at-the-time did a good job of selectively informing him of events.)

With my dad, his whole life has been cars. It's been his one big obsession. One of the tragedies of his life, I think, is that he wanted to be a racecar driver since he was a kid and his parents forbade it and he never pursued it.

People keep telling me I need to write a memoir about my family. Cars would be the major metaphor for discussions about my dad.

[uneasytruce.livejournal.com]

Does your Dad do good phone?

I mention this, because the phone is really what brought my Dad and me together after a ruinous "childhood." Over the phone, he came to understand what I do as a working man, the challenges I'm up against, what I like and don't like. Over the phone, I got to hear different and unique sides of his personality--not just the mono united view I might get on the one time a year I might have seen him in person.

I know you're busy as hell. But if you can do little calls for little chats, you might in a year or two have a really amazing friend in your Cabinet. And discover lots and lots of things about your parent that make him a redeeming person in this world. Let me give you a few topics, as my father too was excellent at car repair and knew -everything- about Subarus:

1. Synthetic or regular petroleum motor oil?
2. Jesus Christ I cannot satisfy my fiancee today!
3. Did you sign up for that Do Not Call list? How's that going?
4. My French professor is a dope. Ever just want to punch a guy who....

See how most of these are quick-hit items? You can get a laugh out of him, and hear his perspective, in under one minute--and then get off the phone. He will actually look forward to a call like this, once a week (but on a different day each week). And so will you.

And you do have time for this, one minute every six days or so. And having laid the ground work, when you have something really earth-shattering to report and ask an older, more experienced person for help about: He will be there, and will want to help his interesting, unique friend.

Try it!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

He doesn't do great phone, but it's a lot better than his emailing. This might be worth a shot. And it makes it my responsibility, which is less frustrating.

Thanks!

[at-the-stars.livejournal.com]

You have grown into a really cool person. It seems like your kid is doing the same. It's nice to read about others' less cookie cutter childhoods and the growth from those experiences.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thanks. My childhood was less cookie-cutter and more run-over-with-a-truck-left-baking-on-the-hot-cement-in-the-gutter. I figured out pretty early that you either get absorbed by all the horror and become part of the Blob, or you shovel that shit into a furnace and use it for fuel for your spaceship to Nondysfunctionville.

[protodisco.livejournal.com]

i'm going to cannibalize and plagiarize this story for the play i'm working on. or just use it as inspiration.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't mind seeing the final product.

[protodisco.livejournal.com]

i'm going to send you the first 44 pages right now, because i need to have 50 pages for class on tuesday. you may read at your leisure, but you're the first person outside of class to do so. It's probably the weirdest things I've written.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Just read it.