Not an alarm clock...

[jackshoegazer]

Last night at 3am, I was awoken by someone yelling, "Yeah, keep on walking you crazy egotistical bitch!"

The crazy egotistical bitch replied, "I'm egotistical?!"

"Yeah, what the fuck is your problem? You're mad at me for spending time with my friend on his birthday."

"Why can't you see it from my perspective? Can't you see it hurts me when you spend time with your friends? Why do you do this to me?"

Then they both went back inside.

Comments

[hellocthulhu.livejournal.com]

That sounds almost verbatim like an exchange I got to hear through my wall six months ago.

I wonder if crazy egotistical bitch moved over to your part of town?

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I'm sure there's more than one. Shit, you can probably buy them by the case at WalMart.

[sliding-doors.livejournal.com]

"Why can't you see it from my perspective? Can't you see it hurts me when you spend time with your friends? Why do you do this to me?"

isn't that the definition of "crazy egotistical bitch"?

[irishspongie.livejournal.com]

Self-awareness is a wonderful thing!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

It's conversations like this one that make me sad and think the majority of people deserve to be sweat-shop wage-slaves to the transnational corporate masters.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Uh, yup :)

[uneasytruce.livejournal.com]

I call this the Urban Symphony, for it is indeed beautiful to witness.

What I love, is when someone is called a crazy egotistical bitch, and then forks back "oh, so now I'm crazy, am I?"

In other words, challenging one of the words, but not the other two damning ones.

We all know who we are, don't we?

ps: 3:00 am is morning. In fact, it's one short hour before I have to roll out of bed and get ready to work with (drumroll please) crazy egotistical bitches.

I -hope- you can see how this hurts me.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

The best Urban Symphony I ever heard was back in 2001 and just as a major thunderstorm was about to break - the sky was orange and you could feel static through the damp in the air - and I hear this woman outside my window. At first, I can't tell what she is saying, but she's chasing after this guy, and as they pass my window, I can finally make out one setence out of the cacaphony of slurs she's conducting:

"You can suck the mother fucking dick I never grew."

[uneasytruce.livejournal.com]

Priceless and elegant at the same time.

You will appreciate David Sedaris' rendering of Holidays On Ice. In it, he gives an account of what it's like to be an elf at Macy's, at the age of 33. On his last day as an elf (seasonal work, you might imagine), he overhears his last conversation: A cashier yelling at a customer. Something along the lines of,

"I'll go get my manager for you. But when you talk with him, don't tell him I called you a bitch. You tell him I called you a /fucking/ bitch, because that's exactly what you are."

Brilliant.