Morning MIssives from Green Vermont Mountains

[jackshoegazer]

Happy Father's Day.

I had another Barack Obama dream last night.  We met over a game of chess and had a nice long talk about how things have been going and the difficulties he's been having.  He was especially stressed and troubled over having to kowtow to the free-market system.  He seemed very upset about having to compromise as much as he has, even though his style is ruthless pragmatism.  I left him with a book and some websites to visit and moved on.

I'd like to imagine that at night, he's astral-travelling and that I'm not just having imaginary political conversations in my dreams.

My friend John, the one who cut off all contact with me a couple years ago without warning or explanation, emailed me last week with basically "Hi?" and that was it.  I emailed him back and said he owes me more than that.  I still haven't heard back from him.  I'm not putting up with these abusive shenanigans again.  If he can't deal with me on an adult level and own his shit, then I'm not interested.  Don't get me wrong, I love the guy and he was one of the best friends I've ever had.

However, my father was distant and abusive when I was growing up and when John got angry, he would be verbally abusive and then he would disappear for a while.  Eventually he would come back and just expect everything to be fine - and it was - because I was just happy to have my friend back.  I was like a little puppy who kept wandering back hoping to get petted instead of kicked.

I don't need that anymore.  I think it was the road trip out to Salt Lake City with my dad last summer.  We had four days in the car with nothing to do but talk and talk we did.  We hashed out just about everything, my whole history, my early life, his early life, everything that happened, and I feel like I've walked away with those issues clear.  I've never felt closer to my dad and I really understand why my father was the way he was and that allows me to forgive.  Which is like a weight off my shoulders, like a cage taken off my heart, a spiritual glass ceiling broken.

So John, if you're looking for someone to take your shit and unconditionally validate you, you may want to look elsewhere.  But, and this is my sincere hope, you want to rekindle a rewarding friendship, step up and say so.  If not, good luck, because I don't need that shit in my life.

So Happy Father's Day, dear readers.  Perhaps it is because it is the summer solstice - the day with the most light - that I am feeling particularly clear and focused.  It is a good feeling, to see.

Comments

[keeptryinglife.livejournal.com]

remembering dreams is fun, i should start to again.

[edith-jones.livejournal.com]

Admiration goes to you for refusing to let yourself be walked on. I've had far too many people walk on me and it took a long, long time before I let myself stop it. Good for you.

The clear focus may also be because you know that any moonlit glade you step into tonight will be filled with naked, dancing pagans. That's got to be a good thing!

Happy Father's Day! Have a good one!

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine sending just a hi after going for so long without a word. I'm glad you're standing up for yourself and ensuring that you either get what you need or avoid letting the cycle start over again. Good luck!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

He still hasn't emailed me back and if I know him, he won't. I won't hear from him until he thinks I won't be mad anymore. So maybe a year or so and then I'll probably get another round of this.

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

Sad that he doesn't do more than that, but better to realize it than to keep the cycle going.

I'm glad you're working on forgivness too.

[takes-a-fairy.livejournal.com]

*allows me to forgive. Which is like a weight off my shoulders, like a cage taken off my heart, a spiritual glass ceiling broken.*

I wish more people understood this about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about the other person who hurt us, but about the forogiver and what hanging on to all that baggage does to us and not them.

I'm glad to see you were able to let that go and are now able to let that friend go, if need be.

Good for you!

[jesuslovesbono.livejournal.com]

i had a dream last winter that i was trying to navigate a crowded restaurant floor (this often happened in real life in the college cafeteria!) and that Obama was sitting at a table and i went right by him.
speaking of political dreams, a little Hakim Bey:
"In sleep we dream of only two forms of government--anarchy & monarchy. Primordial root consciousness understands no politics & never plays fair. A democratic dream? a socialist dream? Impossible. "

[stoiclymanic.livejournal.com]

hi; I know we're not lj-friends and everything but I read this entry and your bit about your friend John really reminded me of my 'friend' Dan. I had the same experience with him and hes trying to do it again. Lol. Just thought id share.

[fannyanns.livejournal.com]

Which is like a weight off my shoulders, like a cage taken off my heart, a spiritual glass ceiling broken.

that's really beautiful. I'm glad that happened.

there's a lot out there about verbally abusive/abusive relationships, and some of it's crap. but it sounds like you guys worked some stuff out, which is great.

congrats. I'm also glad you're clear-hearted. that's a really good way to be...

and umm: John: therapy also works wonders.