Creative Writing Prompt

[jackshoegazer]

This assignment was to pick a shape/element/trope of fiction and write a story based on it.  I chose A Day in the Life, which consists of not necessarily a day, but a very specified time period and write what transpires in that time period.   Here is mine.

 

 

BANG

 

They say you never hear the shot that hits you.  Perhaps I am a statistical anomaly.  They also say that when you die your whole life flashes before your eyes.  “They” say a lot of things.

            I heard the rifle fire and I know if I do the math I can calculate exactly how long I have left.  I know the make of the gun.  I know the length of the barrel.  I know intimate details of the bullet right down to the powder grains.  It’s my rifle.  I bought the bullets this morning.

Now, just calculate.  Distance equals rate times time.  Parabolic arcs and gravity.  That bullet is going to travel almost 1500 feet in little over half a second.  If only I was that far away.  At this distance I’ve got about three-tenths of a second.

I keep thinking of films.  In films when people get shot, they try to say something.  No.  Stop.  Wait.  Shit.  Fuck.  They don’t get half of the word out.  I don’t want those to be my last words.  I don’t want “Oh, shi-” carved on my headstone.

Sometimes the victims raise a hand.  What are they thinking?  That they will stop the bullet?  Please.  I don’t want to look like a fool.  I don’t want to sound like a fool.

You can’t stop the inevitable.  What can you do in three-tenths of a second?  You can however stop yourself from looking like a fool.

I have wasted a third of the remainder of my time and my life still hasn’t flashed.  Can I bear witness to my whole life in one-fifth of a second?

I don’t think he meant me to see him take aim.  I had my back to him, kneeling as I washed breakfast dishes in the metal tub at the edge of our camp.  I don’t know what made me look back.  I didn’t hear anything.  The woods were silent this early – a quiet interlude after the owls and bats have ceased their late night hunting, before the birds begin their morning hymns to the sun.

I looked where the rifle was pointing beyond me.  Maybe he saw a deer near our camp or maybe a bear but there was nothing out there, nothing but trees and darkness.  If there was nothing beyond me then his intended target was me.  I stood, brow furrowed.  The shock of that realization hit me like a bullet.  No pun intended.  I only wonder which bullet will hurt more.

One-tenth of a second left.  Still no flash.  They must be wrong about that one.  One more statistic.  One more anomaly.  My life remains where it has always been – stretched out behind me like a bridal train, dragged along collecting dirt and discarded when the grand event is over.

There is only one question left in my mind, “Why?”

But when I try to speak it, a different word comes out.  I think the meaning is the same but the letters are different.

“Dad?”

 

Comments

[celestialgldfsh.livejournal.com]

That's really good. Brief, intense, with a perfect twist in the ending. You should really consider submitting this someplace like Every Day Fiction or Flash Quake.

[tetralogy.livejournal.com]

What baffles me is your amount of creative output into this journal. Not in any negative way... but I do wonder, where does this creative wellspring come from, Jack?

Again, not negatively: You have a girlfriend, right?

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

I really like this idea. I think you did well reducing all the slowed-down thoughts, how the experience is different than the imagined experience, how it's not what you've always heard. The ending note makes me want to know more, why is his own father shooting him, what's going on? And that makes it a good ending in a way, since our narrator doesn't know either.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thank you! That means a lot coming from you. I submitted it to EDF per your suggestion :)

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Being creative is the only thing I've ever been good at. Practicality escapes me.

Yes, yes I do, the lovely Jacquelyn frequently mentioned in this journal :)

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thanks. As soon as I had the idea, I liked it. Like all good short stories, it leaves more questions than answers :D

Hopefully this class produces more goodness. Though, we've only got 2 more short story assignments before we more on to poetry :P

[carrieaki.livejournal.com]

this was twisted tenderness. loved it.

[la-tante.livejournal.com]

oof. most excellent and twisty.

[hecubah.livejournal.com]

Wow, i really liked this story! It got my attention right away, something that doesn't happen very often.
I like the way it is written, and the twist at the end. Nice one! (:

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

Very cool - you've done a really good job of capturing attention and constructing a mystery really quickly. I don't actually think this reads like flash fiction, but rather the beginning of a short story or novel, where I'd expect the next section to start with some flashback of the distant past.

It's a bit rough in places, and I'd suggest some editing before you send it out (little things, mostly cosmetic), but it's a really solid start.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :D

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Even I didn't know who the shooter was when I started :D

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I am always amused by your distaste for flash fiction and your belief that the shortest tale has to go somewhere more grand :)

Thanks!

I'll give you a hard copy later and you can scribble your edits all over it.

[tetralogy.livejournal.com]

Well then! Your creativity delights masses, obviously. Carry, on, carry on!

You are good at it. I love it.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Will do! I have to write another story this weekend :D