Writing Exercize Number One

[jackshoegazer]

Charlie was ninety-six when they came for him.  They at least allowed him the decency to pack his own suitcase.  A strong baritone echoed from the next room, “We haven’t got all day Mr. Colson.  Just pack what you’ll need for a few days.”

  That is all he was trying to do, but his intentions were derailed.  Charlie was transferring some clothes from his burnished oak dresser into his suitcase.  As his hands, strong hands, he though, but really thin and gnarled, carefully folded a red and black flannel shirt, a large amber Abyssinian cat leapt onto the lid of the suitcase, snapping it shut.

  “Now, Lester, you stop that.  I’ve got to go,” Charlie said.  Lester met out a long meow, almost human in tone, young, like a child’s first attempt at serious articulation.  Charlie smiled, caressing Lester’s brow.  The cat responded with a deep purr, rubbing his scent glands into Charlie’s hand.  “I wish I could take you with me, but I’ve told you before, all of you,” he said as he scanned his bedroom, eyes moving from one cat to another, a room full of little sentient furballs, “that I can’t.  Where I’m going, they ain’t allowing no animals.”

  Several of the felines stirred at this.  A smoky grey Chartreux with glistening golden eyes stalked out of the room like an indignant wife.  Charlie sighed, “Come back here, Betty.”  She kept walking and disappeared around the corner.  He remembered when he’d picked her up from the breeder’s place in Spokane several years ago, almost a decade now, he decided.  Betty was the only kitten of the bunch that didn’t show off, bouncing and leaping when he arrived.  She took a good look at him and turned tail and stalked away.  Some things never change.

  “It don’t make no sense to me either.  You kids are cleaner and better behaved than most the people I met in my life.”  Charlie reopened his suitcase and placed the flannel inside.  “Now listen up.  I’ve arranged good homes for you all.  Each and every one of you.  God, how many are you now?  Thirty-five?  Thirty-six?”  Lester meowed.  “Yes, right thirty-six,” said Charlie.  “That damned son of mine is going to make sure you all go to the right people.  Then the movers are gonna come and take what they can to that institution they’re sending me to.  I never broke no laws but I getting’ sent up the river nonetheless.”

  Charlie wasn’t getting sent to an institution.  He wasn’t going to jail.  However, his son had arranged an apartment in a retirement community.  It was “a very fine facility” according to the aforementioned damned son’s wife.  But to Charlie it might as well have been Alcatraz.  Back when it was a prison and not a tourist attraction.  Charlie would know.  He was in Alcatraz, so his comment to his kids, to his thirty-six cats was not technically true, as Charlie had indeed broken some laws.

Comments

[surrealkitten.livejournal.com]

fine, but maybe it shouldn't be such a study of extremes.

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

This is a great start. I love your descriptions of the cats, and I'd love this to be flushed out- more of what's in Lester's mind, more time to unfold what's going on, more interactions with the cats. You could really go somewhere with this. This could be the start to something, going back to his reminiceses about his early life. Lots of hints; strange tattoos, that sort of thing. He could be...he could be JFK's real killer, or something! You could make us love him, and then reveal the truth. It'd be a good short story, at the very least.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) I have this idea to make it one of those entire-life-story novels, which means lots of research because we're taling 1910-2006. Lifes of crime, Prohibition, Alcatraz, WWII, wife, family, JFK, son going hippy, old age, etc...

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

Cool! Keep those ideas coming, but WRITE WRITE WRITE!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

elaborate perhaps?

[surrealkitten.livejournal.com]

well, no, elaborate is good. think of a miuccia prada rococco swirl platform shoe. It's a big red vinyl platform with antique wood cornices glued onto the sides of the heel. It's elaborate as hell, but the colors are bright red and shades of cream and beige. It's not beige and bright yellow, it's not bright red and pure white.

The centaurian with the three dozen cats. Unless one of those things is specifically relevant to the plot, it shouldn't be so bright yellow or pure white.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

haha, i meant elaborate as in explain further, not elaborate as in many-threaded, well-thought out plan.

that might be a problem beause extremes is my thing. a septugenarian with three cats wouldn't want me telling his life.

[surrealkitten.livejournal.com]

but a 96-year old with five or even eight cats who do his bidding or something, who are immpecably described and have characters, is literary.

[nymphie.livejournal.com]

I can't wait to read more! I love how you describe the cats.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I will probably write more. This needs a lot of work but I've been struck with an idea for the rest of it :)

[tekelili.livejournal.com]

Even this small amount of story has me wanting to read more- great job!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) It need a lot of work, I like the story, but the style is inconsistent and rambling. It was just a writing prompt given to my by antarcticlust to jsut have a little theme to write about for an hour. "Write about an old man who is movingout of his house and he's leaving his cats behind."

Ok, did it!

[la-originelle.livejournal.com]

Very intriguing intro! Love the cats and am interested to know what this Charlie fellow did do!

Write us more, write us more! :)

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) I think I have a big story welling up from this little but. I suppose I'll have to write Charlie's whole life story, which will mean lots and lots of RESEARCH.

[atomic-goo.livejournal.com]

I definitely need to use the term "scent glands" more often in my daily vocabulary.

I'm liking where this is going. Keep it coming!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I will! Thank you!