You'll find me in the desert under the solstice moon with me, myself, and I.

[jackshoegazer]

My work schedule is an odd, bi-weekly alternating fiasco wherein I work four shifts a week, but never work more than three nights consecutive.  I stay at Jacquelyn's place while I'm working, rather than commute back and forth to Watertown.

However, this week there was a mighty bad snowstorm on my day off, so I've been in Madison for almost a solid week.  Reflecting upon this and my LJ posting, I pondered the following while walking in the cold pre-dawn air this morning.

I don't write as much when I'm here.  I only write now because Jacquelyn is still sleeping and I have the apartment to myself, quiet, except for scurrying cats and the hiss and pings of the old radiator heating system.  Throughout the normal time I'm here, I can barely summon the concentration to reply to my comments, let alone write posts or anything else.

I've discovered why writer's run off in solitude to work.  Even writing something as simple as a letter of inquiry for a job, composing my University of Wisconsin application essay, I needed solitude.  When John and I wrote the Book, we were basically sequestered in our apartment for two months with minimal interruptions.  We wrote from after breakfast until after dinner with minimal breaks.

Don't assume I don't enjoy my time with Jacquelyn, far from, I love it, however, I find that it's not just here, but in general.  At my home in Watertown, I can't work when my roommate is around.  It's like I can't be myself when others are around, even if they are quiet, it's as if their mere consciousness affects my concentration, like electromagnetic energy altering my brainwaves.

Perhaps this links together with the idea of hunting, the lone trek into the woods, the den, the garage, the workshop; many initiation rituals place the neophyte alone for three days.  It is true that like chemistry, we are all affected my different people, so that we are different people depending on who we are with.  So this begs the question, are we only truly ourselves when we are isolated?  And therefore our only true work is birthed from that time that we are alone.

Are we hermits first and friends, siblings, parents and lovers second?  Or is it just me?

.

Comments

[maeghanne.livejournal.com]

It is not just you!

[choogy.livejournal.com]

i don't know if this answers the question but i feel more "myself" when i'm with jamie and justin. the hermit side of me gets expressed through writing but i'd like to think there is a balance between the internal and external. or at least, maybe there should be!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I completely agree, I just think that lately I haven't had as much balance, not as much alone time as I need. TAO!

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

I think the reason you don't write here is because you usually don't have time; often, you have just enough to wake up, dress, eat, and go to work, come home, and sleep. You do those things at home, too, but with a good chunk of time on either end. You don't write at work, when you're alone for a long period of time. You could compose lj posts in Word and then paste them in later. In fact, the reason I started sending you to work with my computer was not so you could watch movies, but so you could write, remember?

[atomic-goo.livejournal.com]

Aww I am in love with your icon!! :)

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Geez, besides poems, I never thought to write LJ posts on Word :P It seems to wrong to me, like cheating. I'll construct them in my head, but never crystyalize them till I open the LJ Update page :P

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

Plus I ditto the personal space thing. I've realized it's hopeless; I can't do work at home. I talked to Kevin last night at the library, and he said, "yeah, you'll bring books and papers home for about a year, and then you'll realize they never get read, or leave your bag, and you'll start staying at school later and later because it's the only place you can get anything done." I'm already feeling that.

Guess what? I checked the bus lines last night and there's a stop at Watts and Kottke, which is right next to our house, right? It's on the 6 line, which starts at around 5:30am and runs to about 11:30 pm, alternating routes with the mall, and it goes to the capitol and stops on Johnson/Park and Univeristy/Park in either direction. Yay! It's about a 30-45 minute ride either way, also depending on if we transfer to another (maybe faster) bus at the West Transfer Point. ANd there are park-and-ride stops on the line, too, so we can always drive halfway, park, and ride. :)

<3!!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Uh oh, that means I get to start feeling like the neglected boyfriend, resenting your school. You'll come home later and later every night, while I think you're having an affair, but it's only my lonliness and a reflection of my own guilt at the affair I'm having because of neglect. Oh god, the sorrid web we weave!

That's cool about the bus :)

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

Theoretically you can come work in my office, too, and you'll enjoy having the free time to get work done. Or you can cultivate a nice place at home to study while I'm at school. I'll set up a webcam in my office so you can watch me reading and jerk off make sure I'm not being a bad girlfriend.

Wait, you're having an affair, too?! I don't like this story.

What will we do?!

Though seriously, you'll like it because you'll have quality Ethan time, and time to get homework done in the afternoons. I'd ideally like to stick to a 9-5 schedule for now, though that will probably change when I'm writing my dissertation. But Ethan will be in HS by then and you'll be getting your master's and screaming at all of us to "just shut up already so I can think!"

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'll have to keep my third shift relay job just to have a quiet, secluded place to work :)

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

Wow, then you'll never sleep and I'll never see you. Though at least you'd be bringing in the dough. That's how real marriages are, right?

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

EXACTLY! See, I knew you were a smart girl.

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

I really like your new icon. What do the tiny letters say?

jenmarya defriended us. Weird.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I was wondering what you thought of it. I didn't even cut my own head off, Brian too the picture of someone else while I was behind the door :P

Yeah, uberweird.

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

I'm not even hurt, because I feel like it must have been a mistake.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I dunno, both of us? That's an oddly coincided mistake.

Oh, and I don't know what the little letters say, they were already little when I found the texture pattern.

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

I know, that's what I was thinking. But I also can't think of anything we said or did that would have been interpreted oddly, like...oh, my penis dream post? My post about us looking for an apartment? It's only been today that it happened, because I check my userinfo every day. :(

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Oh well, we'll see :(

[jenmarya.livejournal.com]

desultory thoughts:

It's hard to create in someone else's space. Once it is your joint place, it might flow like Niagara.

Someone once told me that collaborating was like pissing while someone else held your dick... While I know you aren't collaborating, maybe the freshness of being in the same place together just can't wear off enough for you to feel that solo creativity vibe.

But yeah, personally I find it easier to create when isolated because I lose track of time and forget things like eating, which is hard to do when other people are around. Maybe establishing a few weird rules like, "pretend Jeremy is invisible when he's in the groove" might help. Or not.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Hopefully once I'm consolidated into one home, I'll feel better. Being the Cancerian that I am, I need home and stability, which have been a bit precarious as of late. Plus, I can always pull a J.K. Rowling and go write in cafes.

[(Anonymous)]

The word hermit reminds me of that little guy with the big glasses on the Simpsons. HAHA!
Speaking of hermits, I am skipping class right now so I can do my homework. I was thinking its too quiet to do it. Then I remembered that Cadbury Eggs were out so I bought some. Then I got some coffee. Then I called someone. Then I realized I got nothing done.
What was I talking about again?
Oh yeah, the simpsons.
You see? I distract myself. I think other people actually focus me.
Hmmm Cadbury Eggs

[tekelili.livejournal.com]

It isn't just you. I'm an artist, not a writer, but affected in the same way by the simple consciousness of others, and feel the need to be alone in the formative stages of any artwork. Else, I feel like there's outside interference blocking my channel to the muse, heh.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I tend to feel the same way, even when I'm doing art. I wonder how performance artists do it :P