What if your first memory was a dream?

[jackshoegazer]

I've been tagged by blackbuttoneyes for a meme - to describe one's earliest memory where the memory is clear, and where "clear" means you can depict at least three details and the age of that memory.  I've always tried to remember my earliest memory, digging further and further into the past, but alas, I don't really know.  For this reason, I am intrigued by memory and its ethereal and mutable nature.

So let's explore a bit, shall we?

Part of the difficulty stems from the fact that I don't know if some of my memories are real.  I have a fuzzy memory of coming up a set of brown carpeted stairs into an apartment where there were several people lounging around.  I remember being surprised and nervous, because I don't think I'd ever been there before. I asked my father about this and he has no recollection of any place like that, or the people I saw.

I also have a memory of going to a bonfire party.  It was very dark and there was a large fire, a lot of people and cars everywhere.  I lost my Greedo action figure and I remember being very upset about it.  Again, my father has no idea about this, and says he never took me to a bonfire.  It is possible it was my mother who took me to these places while my father was at work, which would make me about two, since my sister Angela, who was born a month before I turned two, is no where in these memories.

The oldest memory I can definitely place is after my sister was born, somewhere between two-and-a-half and three-and-a-half.  We were visiting my uncle who lived in a very large house.  It was the first time I'd see a laundry chute.  My cousin and I ran around the house, dropping toys down the chute and dashing to the basement to rescue them.  In our crazed running around, I fell down the stairs.  They were semi-spiral, not a complete spiral, but curved around as they went.  I remember my father picking me up and making sure I was okay.  I realized I was more started than hurt and ran off to play some more.

What I do not remember is watching Godzilla movies over and over again.  My dad said between the ages of two and four, all I wanted to watch was Godzilla movies and said I watched them all the time, whenever they were on.  I have no memory of this whatsoever.

Sometimes, it takes me a moment to figure out whether something I remember was "real" or if it was a dream, and I've often thought of starting a book with the line, "He was the only person he'd ever met whose earliest memory was a dream."

Comments

[pretzelcoatl.livejournal.com]

I'm the same way. I think my earliest memory is just me sitting on the couch while wearing fuzzy black socks, watching television, but there are a few others which also seem real. There are a lot of moments like that when I was younger. If they were dreams, they varied from good to bad, and obviously I want the former to be real and the latter to be fake. But they seem real all the same.

[marie-paris.livejournal.com]

I actually have two memories of being an infant, one where my mother would lay me (tiny premie baby) on the back of the couch frame where there was a blanket thrown over the back of the couch as I fit there and she could see my whilst she cleaned house, and she said I would gurgle giggle and push my arms and legs out like I was trying to swim or fly...and remember looking at the frosted glass square cubes of glass in a glass wall in their old house and listening to Peter, Paul, and Mary sing Puff the Magic Dragon whilst she sang alone. I also apparently remember being much younger in my mother's arms, and the first music I heard, which is all I have of the memory other than the feeling of warm darkness and being held by a woman, hearing Leonard COhen's 'Suzanne' playing whilst she hummed along as she couldn't remember all the words. SHe's confirmed those memories to be six months and previous. Next memory is one and a half, getting in trouble with the two neighborhood boys, who used to stir up a lot of stuff in our neighborhood in the mountains. We have pictures to confirm those memories, lol. I was in a gang, yah! I did develop early though, walked and spoke at an extremely early age. This comment is run-on with bad grammar-in a rush, lol.

[schmecky.livejournal.com]

I think most kids have that - the line between imagination and reality is very blurry, so many of our memories are actually things we made up or dreamt, but we couldn't quite tell the difference, so they all got stored in the same place.

I have some particular interest in this kind of thing because I think the physiology of being an actor involves tinkering quite a bit with memory vs. imagination. In fact, I believe I read or heard something to that very effect, but - in all seriousness - I can't remember if I really did, or if I made it up.

[joraina.livejournal.com]

I am so excited that you wrote about this. One of my earliest memories was a dream as well -- I think. I've never met anyone else who can say that. :)

[anima.livejournal.com]

The same thing happens to me, I'm pretty sure some of my memories are actually dreams.