Donde esta mi escuela? Mi escuela esta aqui.

[jackshoegazer]

It's only my fourth drama class and I've already had to act.  Sort of.  We, a group of four, one a director, the rest of us actors, had to do a short scene to practice stage directions and blocking.  The scene made no sense and thus our blocking and reading came out more like a strange acid trip than a real dramatic scene, but it garnered some laughter when I "broke the fourth wall" and addressed one of my lines to the audience.

For those of you who do not know me, this is a bit of a big deal since (while most people who know me would never think it) I am insanely shy and horrified of public performance.  Giving speeches and presentations, I've been known to break out into nervous sweats and turn a ripe shade of flamingo pink.  This time, not a drop nor wince though I was nervous as ever.  I have a feeling our big group project is going to be an actual bit of acting, which I am not looking forward to.  For me, it's become the anticipation that kills me.  The actual performance is not too bad.  I just have a paralyzing phobia of making mistakes and looking foolish.

Unless I am being foolish on purpose.  That's okay.

Considering all of this, drama is my favorite class, with real discussion.  My psychology class is boring, led by a teacher who is not as funny as he thinks he is.  The textbook is partial towards cognitive psychology and is deliberately dismissive of Freud and Jung and other "neo-Freudians."  Even so, I still have to read everything and study and memorize.  At least the next chapter is on neurotransmitters, which is a favorite topic of mine.

I wish I had something more profound for you but the great thoughts I've tried to squirrel away vanish, like an old miser who forgets where he's hidden his fortune.  The difference is that when I am gone, my children will not find my thoughts hidden in a hollow bible in the attic or buried in a coffee can in the backyard.

Comments

[at-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Very cool. I often turn shades of crimson even when I'm just speaking up in a group/class setting...and my Oral Comm prof despaired of ever getting me to slow my speech. I've gotten much better though. Really.

[protodisco.livejournal.com]

i am the same way.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Get used to it, you're going to have to do readings when you're on book tours.

good luck

[marie-paris.livejournal.com]

I'm insanely shy and ran off stage crying at a regional french poetry recital/competition (when I was school age), and speech class made me freak out and was dropped mid-semester to avoid my turn in front of everyone, yet I studied theatre, tele, and film acting (and then went into management later successfully) and LOVED the experiences dearly. Drama class is brilliant and I wish you the best. I think the creative/interpretive aspect of acting can mask the hesitance of the ego to risk embarrassment and failure....or something...maybe it's just fun and rewarding.

When I was in that small theatre/film school, I took a psyche class with a retired Harvard professor who witnessed my acting ability at some point on campus and invited me to start spontaneously acting out various mental derangements in class, leaving the other surprised (and scared) students to guess exactly what I was suffering from. I thought it was brilliant and looked forward to alienating all the psyche majors, but the class was dropped for scheduling reasons before I really got to sink my teeth in. Would have been too much fun!

Neurotransmitters are a fine topic of conversation in my opinion.

Re: good luck

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I had a psychology teacher in high school was was ex-CIA and for one lesson, pretended to be a mentally-handicapped man under hypnosis and the class had to act like the police interrogators trying to find out if he killed a particular woman. It was such an eerie and believable performance it was hard to remember he was my teacher.

Re: good luck

[marie-paris.livejournal.com]

That sounds very disturbing, lol.

Re: good luck

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

It was great. Sometimes he'd tell us stories about this CIA time but he'd have to stop suddenly or leave parts out because he couldn't talk about it, national secrets, classified and all that. My favorite answer... someone asked, "Are there really aliens at Area 51?" to which he replied, "Aliens at Area 51 are the least of your worries."

Re: good luck

[marie-paris.livejournal.com]

That's funny. I dated an artist whose uncle was Air Force high security, and he said basically the same thing about that and Project Blue Book and the veil behind the veil, etc.

[schmecky.livejournal.com]

I'm a nervous wreck when I don't have a character or dramatic pretense to hide behind. Speeches, recitals... My lips shake, my air runs out, it's a disaster.

On stage or on camera, I'm cool. (Didn't used to be that way on camera. Only since I got used to the whole process.)

I am so looking forward to more reports on your drama class!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I've really only acted for camera anyway - for projects for school. (God, I wish I could digitize them for the YouTube age!) When I went to school for graphic design and video production, I ended up being the reluctant leader quite a bit and found that I could talk in class and give speeches and presentations pretty well, but the waiting part leading up to it was almost overwhelming.