When the ending chapters begin, it's the end of the beginning.

[jackshoegazer]

Because this veil it has been lifted, my eyes are wet with clarity.

The world is a flurry,
A rambled, ransacked fury,
Disproportionate in length, desperate in breadth,
Base, mundane, with a squeaky, polished shine.
All surface, no depth,
No meaning but what we make,
Like a cake with no birthdays
Anniversaries or holidays to celebrate.

This is my last night as a vampire, my last night as a moonchild.  My last night of lunacy.  At least this particular brand of 3rd shift lunacy.

Starting tomorrow, which is really today, I am free from the confines of my employer for the next six days.  On May 3rd, I return to work as a creature of the sun, a child of Sol.  During the interval, I must finish packing, move, buy and move new furniture, and dance with the devil in the pale moon light.

Oh shite, who let Meatloaf in there?

My dear Jacquelyn has gotten sick again, this time contracting the stomach bug that my roommate was suffering from this past weekend.  I, again, am the sole survivor, somehow naturally immune to the spreading affliction that plagues my home like zombies after a meteor landing.  I played the role of good boyfriend, took care of her between fits of napping, went to the store to get the medicinal staples of stomach issues, saltines and ginger ale.

I have to make up for all the times I’m a crabby, grouchy bastard.

There was so much I wanted to say before I started typing and now it’s gone the way of the Studebaker.  Only found as reproductions in the back lots of movie studios for period pictures.  Of course that analogy doesn’t quite link up because that would mean that the rest of this post could be found in Los Angeles.

Which I can assure you, it cannot.

I finished The World According to Garp last night.  It was quite good, though it was no Owen Meany.  Owen really meant something to me, I’ve come to realize.  While Garp was in a way, more biographically parallel to myself, Owen fulfilled that profound human need to connect to something bigger than ourselves, the belief, the desperate, dangerous need to believe that our lives have direction and purpose.

When we lost Owen, we lost that purpose, a perfect loop, a perfect chain, the joy and sorrow of something beautifully burning out.  The absolute divine ecstasy that can only be found when one has completely exhausted one’s potential, completed one’s orbit.

Which is our purpose, after all.

Sometimes I think,
All we really want -
Our heart’s desire
Our soul’s entire
Plan, plot, scheme, and dream
Is to get home.
But like the factory
Of dear Mr. Wonka,
One must go forward to get back
Endlessly, endlessly
A never-ending track
That winds and whines and dines
To eternity and back
Veil to veil
A bigger picture
A better love
A deeper depth
To be and become
What we were in the beginning,
One.

Charles Baker Hennington was a humorless man who did not writhe in desire at his peripheral notoriety.

There is nothing left but sleep in my veins, a dumb, thumping pulse I write to suppress.

The people talking around me are driving me crazy.  I can’t write when they’re talking.  I can rarely write with television, movies or music playing.  I think I finally understand the writer’s need for solitude.  Which, of course, doesn’t explain J.K. Rowling who writes the Harry Potter books mostly in a café.

Each unto their own.  Life.  Path.  Orbit.  Spark.

The sleep falls like a curtain.  Some light still comes in.

I’ve seen the day of your awakening, boy, and it’s coming soon.

Comments

[foucaultonacid.livejournal.com]

dance with the devil in the pale moon light.

it's ok - breathe again. though I love the loaf that is meat and the meat that is loaf, you were quoting Jack Nicholson from the Batman movie. Or the Prince soundtrack.

Street cred is yours tonight.

Barthes says we must unexpress the expressable?

[rosetta--stone.livejournal.com]

It takes a wRIGHTer (http://www.livejournal.com/~laruoccobot/info) to make us reREALize the eternal verities!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Ah, I was thinking of..."On a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?" And getting it totally wrong :P

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

trying to read or write with other people's background noise makes me homicidal. oddly enough if i'm the one who switched on the music i can read with it on just fine.

i think i get more annoyed with the lack of consideration than with the noise itself.

i agree that garp wasn't as good as owen meany. the thing i really took away from garp was how it's pointless to try to protect everyone you love from everything because man is moral and everyone is going to get hurt. the more you try to save people the more they're going to get away from you.

i agree, the difference in owen meany was that the suffering and the work had a point, he had a destiny that made the story seem worthwhile. it's probably one of my top 10 books of all time.

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

because man is MORTAL not moral.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

God, how true.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I should expect it at work, but sometimes the older biddies get way too exceited :P

Yeah, I loved Meany. Definitely on my Best oF List. I think I'm going to end up being the literary love child of TOm Robbins and John Irving :P

[bythebootstraps.livejournal.com]

Just. Let. Go.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Of everything?

I did that once. Except one little guide-line to make sure I could find my way back.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_remains/]

i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but i thought i'd let you know that your icons are being posted on xanga here (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Butt_Kicking_Icons). :/ i check that site pretty frequently because she used to post icons from heartdivide, but after i banned banggoesgun the posting there stopped. i know your icon journal is public, so you can't ban anyone, but i thought i'd let you know. :/

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I'm honestly not too concerned. I don't much care about credit and as the ICONOMICON! states, the goal is to take over, one icon at a time. Now I have infected xanga as well!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_remains/]

mmmwhahaha. :D i should adopt your attitude.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Really, what it comes down to, is little pictures, barely an inch square, 10,000 pixels. We're not talking about world-shaking artistic movements, no one is going to publisha book on the 100 most beautiful and influential LJ icons ever.

We take other people's art and photos, alter the color to make them better and make it very tiny. We can feel good about it because great icons make people feel good.

[anima.livejournal.com]

I love this entry. My grandpa had a studebaker, thank you for making me think of it.

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. I tried to think of something obsolete and that's what popped in my head.

antarcticlust has just informed me that according to Fozzy, the Studebaker is a bear's natural habitat.

I didn't know that.

Jacquelyn really liked this post too. Too bad I won't ever be able to write another post at work :p No more computers on first shift!

[anima.livejournal.com]

Fozzy Rules! But not as much as Gonzo.. :)

[matt120.livejournal.com]

I loved Garp. I first saw the movie as a kid, then read the book at age 22. Then I reread it a couple of years back.

Take good care of YOUR BABY!!!

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

I saw the movie when I was too young to remember it. I'll have to watch it now. Who can turn away from John Lithgow in drag?

I am! Though, we're moving this weekend and she's bound to be more active than she should. I could tie her down? Sedate her?